

The Bride’s upcoming birthday demanded something special so we found ourselves heading to Sydney on the flying kangaroo aka Qantas.
Good flight quickly off plane we we-re soon at baggage retrieval carousel.
The first of our two suitcases appeared which I grabbed,no sign of second case.
There were around five of us left as carousel now empty came to a halt after what seemed forever.
As you might imagine The Bride was extremely agitated I suggested she stay by carousel while I would seek assistance.
Eventually I found the well hidden service desk far away from the carousel.
Fifteen or so minutes passed before I hit the front of the Queue.
Explaining my problem Maureen the lady in charge passed me a form to fill out.I then joined second smaller queue and was soon back if front of Maureen.
Mr Buswell can you please describe the case
It’s just an ordinary black one.
What Brand sir-
I didn’t have a clue having not packed a thing.
Fortunately with perfect timing The Bride arrived with lost cases partner in tow.
Exactly like that one there and It has an Aussie flag tag with our details on the tag.
If Maureen was impressed she was not showing it.
I will go out the back as they sometimes end up there.
With some optimism I awaited Maureen’s return - as time passed I figured she had probably had a coffee break as possibly a toilet break as well.
Maureen returned empty handed as I now concluded would be so.
Nothing out there sir.
What now I asked
Nothing we can do now you have filled out your form so someone will contact you tomorrow morning.
Our preordered limousine had long departed with the $120 deposit.
So it was a taxi to our destination.
Tomorrow came but no callback.
The situation is worse than yesterday as missing case as you would expect had most of The Brides elegant attire,makeup,perfume as well as prescription medications.
After much searching I found a number which I thought could help an punch in the six digit helpline.
The voice is distant and not Australian
I began my tale of woe and about halfway through was interrupted.
Sir I cannot help you we are with sales
Will you please put me through to customer support
No they’re not here.
Where are they
I don’t know sir we are in Fiji!
Fantastic
Eventually I requested he put me through to Qantas Sydney.
Yes sir I am putting you through now.
Another strange ring tone doesn’t seem to be local I mused trying to be steady.
Eventually a gruff South African voice comes on the line.
Good morning it’s Paul here I am your Qantas customer service representative today how May I help?
Paul you are not in Sydney by any chance.
No sir I am in Durban South Afrikkaar.
I’m thinking South African customer service how’s that going to work.
Quickly I recount the details
Aha sir you’re bag is not lost it is missing and we will find it for you.
May I have your reference number.
I was not given one at the airport.
We need a reference number.
Ok Paul how about you allocate a reference number now and we can get moving.
No we can’t sir we need the QLB number or it will confuse our staff,can’t have all our staff running around Willy Nilly looking for the same bag can we?
Sensing I’m heading down a rabbit hole I change tack
Paul whats a QLB number stand for?
That’s our missing bag number unfortunately we have had so many missing bags that the executive team decided we would call all lost items missing but Mr Joyce wanted us to use all the old stationery before we get the updated QMI form.
Grateful for this information I push Paul for a new QLB but he wouldn’t budge.
Then he said
Is there anything else I can help you with today Mr Bushwell?
Nope.
Next day redial this time it is Gunter still South African but a little less gruff.
Again the QLB is the sticking point however I persist an Gunter said he would try if I could hold the line.
Eventually Gunter with as much excitement as he could muster gives me the elusive QLB number.
Mr Boozewell you number is
QLB 131313
Next time you call please use this exclusive number.
Thanks Gunter
Is there anything else I can assist you with today.
Nope
The Bride listening in asks for a progress report and is unimpressed.
She decides to have a crack
Armed withthe newly minted QLB she confidently dials and hits first hurdle.
As with my previous calls she had a thirty plus minute wait before using the QLB.
Whilst she was on phone I was about to complete my expert level Sudoku when I caught the end of conversation.
This is BULLSHIT!
I don’t think the can I help you with anything else was asked.
To calm the farm I suggested we get The Bride Resupplied.
David Jones first bought expensive perfume upon telling tale of woe to makeup lady we we showered with makeup samples.
As David Jones did not have the right shade of lipstick we shot over to Myers and got lucky as they had the exact one in stock.Unintentionally the now missing suitcase may have been mentioned resulting in another heap of high quality samples praise the lord.
Getting a little carried away and maybe channeling The Gaffer (if you know him you’ll know what I mean ,but if you don’t you’re probably better off) I suggest maybe we go to Priceline or Chemist Wharehouse as we are on a roll.
This plan is quickly rejected as ridiculous.
Third day dial wait thirty or so minutes on comes Lisa with an accent somewhere east of the Transvaal.
Mr Bozwell I can see your details on my screen.
I reiterate the urgency that being my wife’s birthday,a short holiday with no medication,makeup and limited outfits.
As a woman Mr Bozwell I fully get it and I will elevate your report to urgent.
Fantastic
Is there anything else I can help you with Mr Bozwell?
Nope
Any Luck The Bride asked ?
Great progress our priority has gone from we have lost another one to maybe ring Perth tomorrow and see if they will have a quick and look around.
That’s a very polite version of what I said but The Bride did chuckle a little.
Anyway the after noon we got a text our bag was found and would be dropped of later.
Our bag arrived in a large van piled up with other “missing “bags!
We exchanged ID for suitcase.Dom the Asian courier driver was extremely pleased with himself somewhat like a cat that has dragged a dead creature into your house.
I suppose it saved us unpacking as we were heading home the next morning.
Not done with us yet Qantas was able to delay our departure by two hours.
Well done Alan Joyce!
THE END OF CASE 1
CASE 2 TO FOLLOW
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It’s lucky that Eileen and you couldn’t physically get to anybody related to the helpful case hunters. Can hardly wait for case 2 story