End Of Year Tidy Up

In my last post there was an assertion about a slightly less than competent teacher who was in charge of school public address systems.

Said person has outed himself citing outdated technology for any of the frequent outages.

However due to an in confidence agreement I cannot discuss at this time but I am willing to say it was not all Pistols fault!

While we are still on school’s swimming lessons are certainly a great opportunity to educate youngsters in the art of swimming.

Usually several classes are transported to the nearest aquatic centre.

Normally at the end of the lessons the children get changed from bathers to their school uniforms ,however the school principal thinking all this changing at the pool was a time waster and decided children would come from pool dry themselves, wrap towels around bathers and board bus saving a lot of time and not exposing children to strangers in the changing rooms.(A good idea almost idiot proof you would think,)

The Principal having brought this from a mere concept to reality had driven to the Craigie Aquatic Centre to observe day ones operation.

As a safety rule children are counted and double checked when they are boarding the bus both at school and the Aquatic Centre.

The Principal Mr Chapel (again I have suppressed true identity) was anxious to round up the children and get them on the bus forthwith and rounded up all the children.

123 sir we had 122 coming here.

Do another count.

Still 123 sir.

We must have got it wrong let’s go at least we haven’t lost any one ,everybody including the Principal board the bus.

Back at school kids disembark and are grouped with their classmates and teachers

That is all except one spare boy.

Amongst the confusion

The school registrar rushed out .

Mr Chapel The Aquatic Centre are on the phone someone has lost a child!

Mr Chapel now a little flustered asks the boy what class he is in.

I don’t go to this school.

What?

I am over from New Zealand and my Aunty took me to the pool today as a surprise!

Quicker than you could say Lickity Split

Mr Chapel now sweating grabbed the young boy and headed for his car.

You have guessed it.

No car it is still back at Craigie in the carpark!

He rushes back to office and borrows the Registrars car.

Eventually he gets Mrs Delorean’s clapped out Saab going and heads for the

Aquatic Centre leaving a trail of black smoke that could be spotted as far away as Kalamunda!

As they disinbark Mr Chapel notices they are both covered in cat hair.

To late he realised the aging sheep skin seat covers were more cat than lamb!

Brushing himself off quickly as possible he grabbed the boy’s towel and flicked what fur he could from the now silent boy.

He then shoved him through the doorway of the Aquatic Centre (pictured above )and made good his getaway.

Phew he thought no one will ever know!

.

JUST A FEW TRUE BALI STORIES

This first one is from a friend about a friend of his.

As it was the fellow in question was mid massage (or massarr as the Balanise pronounce it) She had just completed the back and was just beginning the hairy chest bit.

At this point I am guessing she may have noticed some unanticipated movement below the off white towel covering our man’s bits and pieces.

She stops and asks.

Would you like a happy ending misser?

Friend of friend replies hesitating for maybe one half of a second.

Yes please.

Massage lady exits salon

She reappears some five minutes later

You finnis yet sir!?

Friend of friend departs somewhat deflated but unbelievably did not keep this story to himself??

Another older bloke in a similar situation when asked the same question declined the kind offer and the Massuse a little bit angry at loosing some bonus rupiah dropped her elbow into his ribs breaking three ribs.

Anyway that was the story he told his somewhat indifferent wife who suggested it would have been less trouble all round if he had taken the happy ending.

Strange folks

My granddaughter,myself and The Bride were having a quiet drink at Moo Moo’s in Legian.

There streets were busy and as we were camped right next to the street we attracted several hawkers

Next thing this young bloke is offering me some local version of Viagra

Very good mista you go all night

Listen mate I don’t want any thank you.

Very good stuff mista last very long time.

I said

Look mate there is my wife she is beautiful I don’t need your pills and I certainly do not want to be up all night as I am normally asleep by Eight !

Would you like a kite mista?

No.

He left.

MOT